please respect this blog !


i'll stop the world and melt with u
you've seen the difference and its getting better all the time
there's nothing you and i wont do
i'll stop the world and melt with u
- Modern English;

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

so its been about 8 months ive been back in sing sing.
and im more than ready to get out!

the longer i stay here, the more i realize i dont belong here.
i dont understand the people here, nor do they understand me.
my friends are all still living back in bangkok.
while im here.

the only lifeline i have i lamz. and thank god hes been great.

im more depressed here than ive ever been.
too many things in my mind that i just want to take out.
i need out. i WANT out

* L0VE was in the air -
Sunday, April 12, 2009

can anything ever be the same again?
will anything ever be the same again?
with me?
with us?

if only anyone knew what was really going into my head.
why now more than ever i need someone to show me that im not spoilt
but of course you wont do that, you cant.
coz you dont have it in you....

when i said two weeks,
im sure u were relieved...
and stupid me i think otherwise, that we would be exactly the same.
how can anyone be the same after this?
after what ive been through,
what weve been through.

how could i possibly be foolish enough to think that we would still be the same?

how could we be the same when there is a huge gaping hole left in my heart.
the space where someone was, taken from me too soon.

of course i cant tell you.
youll feel bad and make me feel worse.
which is why i try to deal with it myself.
but i wish u knew how to make me feel better.
i so do...
but of course that would be expecting too much of you..
and ive told myself over and over and over not to expect anything.
coz that will just lead to disappointment..
and i dunno how much more of that i can take....

maybe one day i will leave,
what scares me is that im not scared of it anymore.
just waiting for it to happen....
maybe it will be the relief im looking for..
the day where i can no longer comprehend what is happening around me.
what people think of me.
how i feel?
maybe that is me...
my fate..
no happy ending for me....

what ive always dreamed about,
finding the one person who will know me for me.
and love me for me..
getting married.
having babies.
growing old...
maybe that isnt for me.

maybe thats why since i was young i always somehow doubted it..
that there was such a thing as happily ever after.
maybe for someone else.
maybe everyone else.
just not me...

* L0VE was in the air -
Tuesday, January 13, 2009

ok..so...
new year..new things to think...

relationships:
im generally happy, dont think ive felt so secure about a relationship before
admittedly, sometimes i do feel the urge to run,
to dump before i get dumped. but then with nish telling me constantly how its a good thing..
its easier...
at the end of the day,tt guy is the one who really has been through shit with me
and knows how i am...
but yeah, he knows how i freak out at the smallest thing,
at this moment its how i have more of his relatives on my facebook than i have my own
i guess the fact i have any is already something since i dont have any of my own
hehe
but yes..at least i know they care about him and that they support him
and hopefully will like me..
but yes, all in all.
i love this idiot

friendships:
its not easy for me to do that anymore
ive been through too many situations where in a day i know who my true friends are
these people will always be my friends
but since i moved here, i havent dared to get close to anyone else
coz i dont know how much to trust them
maybe one day..well see

and i also gave up a relationship
that i guess i should have given up years ago
but yeah, sad thing is that the person doesnt realzie how hurt i am
but oh well thats why i gave up

bt yeah
i love my boyfriend
i love/hate my job
and i love my close friends

* L0VE was in the air -
Saturday, January 10, 2009

i dunno wad u want me to do
seems like i cant get anything right nowadays
from me not waking up in the morning to do something and just lying in bed
to me talking to ur friend

maybe its time we took a break...
although as much as i can i dont want to..
coz knowing me, ill never come back..
and i love u too much to just give up

but im too bugged to just keep quiet anymore coz im getting tired..
tired of us fighting...
tired of having to defend my actions constantly
tiired of trying to talk to u and in the end get lectured, have it go bac kto ur
or worse...get into another fight..

im tired...
and i guess this is one of the times its good we live far away from each other
or maybe it will be wad kills our relationship
i dunno anymore

i dun even noe if u really do love me anymore
or u just do when i do things

i dunno

* L0VE was in the air -
Thursday, December 25, 2008

once u leave u will never come back u said
its been 3 years, ive left and despite wad u said,
have come back...

but at the same time i guess i havent....
guess im not the same person anymore...
and neither are u....
we're not the same anymore...

sometimes i do wonder what went wrong...
we were so close, u were the closest thing to a best friend i had..
i could rely on u for anything...
for everything...
guess thats what also makes it so hard for me...
i miss having someone i can tell everything to...

u managed to stay close to everyone else...
so why not me?
guess i wasnt as important as i thought i was...

* L0VE was in the air -
Wednesday, December 17, 2008

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights,
See the party the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello

Little did i know
That you were romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And i was crying on the staircase

Begging you please don’t go, and i said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
Its a love story baby just say yes

So i sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Lets escape this town for a little while

Cause you were romeo i was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me

I was begging you please don’t go and i said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You be the prince and I’ll be the princess
Its a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but its real
Don’t be afraid we’ll make it out of this mess
Its a love story baby just say yes,
Oh, Oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When i met you on the outskirts of town,
and I said

Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, i don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said

Marry me Juliet you’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
Its a love story baby just say yes
Oh, Oh,
We were both young when i first saw you

if only tts really how it is

* L0VE was in the air -
Saturday, December 13, 2008

well, i went to kl for the weekend...
amd then nice surprise...he came over to singapore...

was so nice to see my baby for 5 whole days after not seeing him for a month..

sometimes though, it just reminds me how far we live from each other..
how we each are living our own lives...
and what scares me is that we will get so used to it that we will no longer be who we remembered....

i guess there really is no point thinking about how it might be...
all i can do is to just live it out and see where things go right?

i do want to eventually have a family with him..
but at the same time there are so many things on my mind..
will he ever be financially ready?
will he still be able to?
what about the others???

sigh...im so sick of contemplating....
guess this is what happens when u mix my brain and booze..

all i want is to find someone who loves me.
and who i love.
and who will take care of me.
and who will accept me.
and who i can love.
and well live somewhere nice....

is that so much to ask?

* L0VE was in the air -
Monday, December 01, 2008

to u:
weve been together for only a couple months.
weve had our major ups and downs..
but at the end of the day,
i still love u...

we both know that if we wanted to,
we could get whoever we wanted...
and yet at the end of the day,
im with u and ur with me....
we choose to be with each other,
and i wouldnt have it any other way...

u living there and me living here,
i know its for the best,
so that we can have our future together,
so we can be happy together...

and ive never felt more sure,
more sure about someone.
u put up with so much from me,
and yes...i do sometimes give u alot to put up with...
but it just shows me how much u do care
and i do appreciate it...
every hour, every minute, every second ur in my life....

i love u...always forever,
near or far....

* L0VE was in the air -
Sunday, November 23, 2008

i dont know if he meant wad he said..
coz if he did....hehe.
but at the same time i dont wanna start flying onto cloud 9
coz it could always just have been a question...casual i mean..

hmmmm...

but to hear that word...

i never thought id get asked that over skype chat..
not even calling..just chatting...
heh..

im happy

* L0VE was in the air -
Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Am i supposed to be expected to just keep quiet?
i guess so....
but i cant be expected to just feel completely secure.....
im sorry i added onto ur headache

i wish u wud understand how hard it is for me.....

* L0VE was in the air -